Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Hegla Hufflepuff Is Better Than You

So, I've been re-reading the Harry Potter series with some friends of mine. ('Cause we're cool like that.) Which made me think about what house I would join. Obviously, you don't get a choice and the Sorting Hat places you, but I was just wondering where I would end up. I guess the hat uses some crazy magic that reads you mind and soul then just randomly decides how to should spend your entire education. That's some serious anxiety inducing stuff.

Sitting on some crappy stool and letting a tattered piece of ancient wizard fashion tell you to join a group of self-endangering adrenaline junkies (Gryffindor), pretentious bookworms (Ravenclaw), friendly but otherwise useless nobodies (Hufflepuff), or conniving ruthless bastards that almost always turn evil (Slytherin. Seriously, Salazar? A house just for the assholes?).

As I so subtly hinted at, each house has a defining character one must have in order to join it. Godric Gryffindor valued bravery and a yearning for adventure in his students. Which is probably why so many of them die. Salazar Slytherin only want the most determined and cunning kids. You also had to be a pure-blood witch or wizard. (Like, if Hitler were a wizard. *shivers*) Rowena Ravenclaw demanded her pupils be studious and always willing to learn more about anything. Yep, its the official house of nerds. Good ol' Helga Hufflepuff said, "I'll take the rest." That gal let anybody in, because to her building friendships and loyalty among the students was an all time importance.

This is why Helga is my home girl and I am a total Hufflepuff. While I do enjoy an exciting adventure, feel I can be very determined at times, and love a good book; I know friendship and loyalty are what's most important to me. I mean, the Gryffindors and Slytherins are going to need someone to bail them out of jail after the mess up . . . again. While the Ravenclaws spend some much time in the library, they miss all the parties and would never get laid if not for some Puffy intervention. There is no better wing man than a Puff! I'm not trying to bash any other houses, some of my best friends are Ravenclaws. I'm just trying to explain why I proudly wear the yellow and black.

Puff Pride!

If I am going to school in a freaking haunted castle for seven years, I am going to be careful about the types of people I hang out with. Look at the Gryffindors, they can't go a semester without almost dying. Instead of sneaking out to the FORBIDDEN Forest after dark or getting trapped in a crazy dungeon/maze, I'll be chillin' in the Hufflepuff common room. Also, I'm sure their common room is the coziest. Probably a bunch of bean bag chairs and comfy quilts. In Ravenclaw's common room, there is complete silence so people can study. You gotta walk on egg shells just to get to you damn class. Plus, you have to answer a riddle just to get to your own bed. What if I just back from Hogsmeade and I've had a few firewhiskeys? You know that in Hufflepuff, they're dancing to S Club 7 getting their freak on! And the password is always something fun like "Whomping Willow", "Gillyweed", or "Snape is a tool." As for Slytherin, well they just spend their time plotting ways to screw everyone else over. What kind of existence is that? (Sarah Palin would make a great Slytherin.) I bet, Puff is the only house that has Scooby-Doo and Fairly OddParents marathons.

Can't you see the Hufflepuff is the place to be. You lions, eagles, and snakes may defend your houses, but you will fail. After we finish fighting, the Hufflepuffs are hosting an ice cream sundae party. That's just how we roll.

Image created by Wicked_Visions.