Thursday, September 16, 2010

If It Wasn't For Those Meddling Lawbreakers

I just realized something, Scooby and the gang commit a lot of Breaking and Entering. Think about it. They hear about some haunted mansion or farm, and they just drive up in the Mystery Machine and start poking around, usually without any permission.

How do they never get arrested?

They are breaking the law! Just because old man Jenkins is creepy doesn't mean he lacks protections under property and privacy laws. You would think Velma, the smart one, would realize this.

I really think the local law enforcement has seriously dropped the ball.

Dispatch: Four innocent-looking teens and and an adorable doggy were seen hanging out around Bob Jenkins' property in a colorful van.
Cop: I'm sure its nothing. Just kids having fun.

Now you know if Mystery Inc. were a group of Black kids this situation would go down quite differently.

Dispatch: A group of mysterious adolescent negros and a dog of intimidating size have been witnessed lurking around Bob Jenkins' home. (It's the sixties, they don't hide their prejudices.)
Cop: I'm on my way! Send back up, they're probably armed.

You know its true.

These kids act as if they're officers of the law, interrogating people and tailing suspects. Actually, they are unlicensed, underage private detectives at best. They are breaking so many laws! Cops can do these things because they have warrants and training. Actually, considering everything the gang has gone though, they could probably become police officers very easily if they tried.

Wait . . . idea forming.

Scooby-Doo and the Police Academy
Synopsis: Mystery Inc. solves mysteries. It's what they're best at. But Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy, and Scooby-Doo have come to a realization. They have been aspiring private detectives all their lives, but working outside of the law doesn't always work for them. That's why Scooby and the gang are joining the police force! In this newest installment of Mystery Inc.'s adventures, the kids enroll in the Coolsville Police Academy. Even Scooby is getting in on it, training to be a contraband sniffing dog*.The academy's newest recruits run into some trouble when they meet their crazy drill captain (voiced by Bruce Campbell), a kind but clumsy fellow recruit (voiced by Felicia Day), a egotistical recruit that is out to help only himself (voiced by Zachary Levi), and a hilariously oblivious town sheriff (voiced by Stephen Colbert). All of this is the least of the gang's concerns when the ghost of a former police chief starts destroying equipment and kidnapping recruits. Can Mystery Inc. solve the this paranormal procedural or will Coolsville be left without a police force.

(*Actually, Scooby already had this job in Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island, which I can say without any irony is one of my favorite movies of all time. It makes sense, because having Scooby work as a drug and bomb sniffing dog might be a little adult for the kids. But I would love to see Shaggy and Scooby busting up meth labs. As a contraband sniffing dog, he just finds smuggled cheese and meats. Did you know its like super illegal to bring foreign cheese into the country? You need special permission from the government to move that stuff, like a Cheese Transportation Permit. I wonder if there is a test.)

That movie is going to be awesome. Writing a Scooby-Doo movie/episode is on that list of things that probably won't happen, but if they did I wouldn't need much more out of life. I could just chill and remember about when I wrote a Scooby-Doo movie. Also on this list is create a Hellcat/Deadpool miniseries and go to Disney World with Matt Smith (11th Doctor).

Alright, back to out lovable criminal detectives. Sure, I can gripe all day long about the gang breaking the rules, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Just like in those Bruce Willis "cop without a badge" films. Mystery Inc. always gets results. They solve the mystery AND catch the criminal. All while the actual police force is at a sock hop or whatever it is that useless people do.

Coolsville should just make those kids honorary police chiefs. Drop these kids into an episode of Law & Order and they're have that mess cleared up in 30 minutes, and still have time for a spontaneous dance party.


  1. "You need special permission from the government to move that stuff, like a Cheese Transportation Permit. I wonder if there is a test."

    OMG I DIED XD and I could forsee myself trying to smuggle cheese in the future. I care a lot about cheese. Especially if it's european high-quality shit.

    But while your arguement is true, I couldn't help but think that the same thing happens on other tv shows like Buffy for example. While fighting off evil demons and vampires my take priority is she not also breaking the law sometimes? It's all about the greater good.


  2. Not gonna lie, Scooby Doo on Zombie Island totally gave me nightmares when I watched it as a kid.

  3. Oh man, this entire post was just so fun to read. You really have a flair for the comedy, darling! And LOLOL, YOUR CASTING IS AMAZING. BRUCE! STEPHEN! FELICIA! ZACHARY! I want this so bad it's ridiculous. You should start writing the script ASAP.

    And when you get it made and have scads of money and such, can you bring me along to your and Matt's trip to Disney? DO WANT. :D

    P.S.: Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island will ALWAYS be the shit, IDGAF what anyone says.